I don’t think I’ve ever written a movie review on this blog. Everybody’s got their own opinion and reviews of anything can get dicey. If you agree, fine. If you don’t, fine. But I spent $9.00 to watch Magic Mike and I directly contributed to its $40-million-weekend at the box office.

 

MAJOR ISSUES WITH MAGIC MIKE (the movie)

  • TV commercials were better than the actual movie.
  • The acting was terrible.
  • I didn’t expect much of a storyline, but I thought it would better than *THAT*.
  • There was not enough raunchy-ness. I wanted more. Lots more.
  • The chairs in the movie theater should have vibrated.

 

Dear Matthew McHottness,

The “lawwww breaker” scene at the beginning was awesome. Can we replay that and fill the 2 hour and 5 minute movie? And, what’s up with your character’s name? Could the screenwriters not think of a more original name for a native Texan than Dallas? You as a self-worshiping club owner was NOT attractive.

Dear Tatum Channing,

Or is it Channing Tatum? Dude, I don’t even know your name. That’s sad. Anyway, as Magic Mike you’re HOT and a pretty good dancer. Oh wait, what’s that? You were an actual dancer and stripper? Ohhhhh, you have real-life experience. How nice.

Dear Kevin Nash,

What the hell are you, a professional wrestler, doing on a movie screen? Kevin, no offense, Ol’Buddy, but stick to the wrestling gig. Don’t you remember, I had a crush on you when I was 12 and you were “wra-seeling” with the bad boys of the New World Order? Yeah, I also wanted Sting to kick your ass. He did, occasionally. Why am I admitting to watching professional wrestling? Anyway, your dancing looks like a stiff robot but you look good for your age. Sort of.

Dear The Kid,

I don’t know your real name and I have no desire to find out. Your character, Adam, was nicknamed The Kid, and I wasn’t impressed with you. My biggest issue was the drug addiction. Passing out because you’re drunk and over-dosed on Ecstasy, and nearly choking to death on your own vomit, is *NOT* attractive ….. no matter how well you dance or look semi-nude.

Dear husbands accompanying their wives in the movie theater,

Are you eff-ing crazy? Besides getting the attention of the female crowd (including a loud applause), why were you there? Do you not have friends that would have taken you to Hooters? By all means, I hope you got some very special *treatment* when you got home.

Now, go watch the movie (without your lover) so you can say you’ve seen Matthew McHottness’s naked ass in leather chaps. Then, show-off those dance moves in the bedroom.

Sorry, Mom and Dad.