Last December, I purchased a bridesmaid dress for 120-dollars. The associate touched my boob when she measured all my parts.

That should have been a discount.

Today, I went back to the dress store to try on the dress and visit with the alterations specialist. She said, “You vewy, vewy pritty. I like yo dwess.”

Ummm, thanks? I think.

She stood well under five-feet but asked me to stand on the raised platform in the middle of a room with brides and their families looking at wedding dresses and mirrors ALLLLLL around.

That should have been a discount.

The dress that draped my body obviously needed alterations.

The “girls” were not properly contained within. That’s a bad situation.

Thirteen pins later, the girls were contained and the shoulder strap didn’t touch my elbow.

Success.

After changing into my regular clothes, it was time to approach the register.

Sweet Jesus.

Here’s the damage:

  • to “take in” the side seam (boob area) — $45.00
  • to “tighten” the pull string (under arm) — $20.00
  • to “shorten” the shoulder strap (and hold “UP” the boob area) — $40.00

Long story short: it costs me $105 to wear a $120 dress.

Boobs are expensive.

Once this wedding is over, I’ve decided this dress will be worn at any and all occasions — from casual to formal. I’m getting my money’s worth out of this thing!

  • Trip to the Wall-Marts for feminine products: wearing The Dress
  • Trip to the feed store for horse feed, fly spray, and manure forks: wearing The Dress
  • Trip to the Kentucky Derby: wearing The Dress
  • Trip to the deer stand: wearing The Dress (might have to wear a pair of long-johns underneath if it’s cold)
  • Mowing the yard on my John Deere tractor: wearing The Dress

I still need shoes to accompany this dress on Wedding Day. I ordered some online but the company sent size 9 and my “skis” require size 11. Back to the drawing board for shoes.