I needed a hug.

When I walked in the door last tonight, Husband greeted me with a warm embrace because he knew I had been crying.

I needed a hug.

My weekly OB appointment was yesterday. It was originally scheduled Monday but Icemageddon hit our area and I’m smart enough to stay off icy roads. Assuming it was a routine check-up, I convinced Husband to go to work because I was perfectly fine going alone … and provided me some time to leisurely stroll through the aisles of Kohls and Home Goods. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for the conversation that occurred between me, my doctor and the lead nurse. My emotions are all over the place, and I will look back on this one day and realize how ridiculous I’m being, but it seems as if my improved health, perfect blood pressure, and weight loss are biting me in the ass. Since I have no health issues and Kamden’s growth is perfect normal, my doctor asked: Do you want to schedule an induction on Tuesday, December 17?

Granted, I’m the most indecisive person in the world, but, no, I don’t want to schedule an induction. I don’t want Kamden born on my birthday either.

But it’s not about my birthday anymore.

My parents are leaving Kentucky around 9:00am on Wednesday, December 18 and driving to Texas. There is nothing I want more than for them to be at the hospital when Kamden is born. I don’t want this to sound like I’m dismissing the rest of our family, as I love them all very much, but Kamden will be my parent’s first — and only — grandchild. As soon as I recover from childbirth, I’m having surgery to remove my gallbladder and tie my tubes. This is one-and-done in the baby department. For my in-laws, Kamden will be their fourth grandchild. I want our parents in the waiting room. I want Husband to introduce Kamden to his grandparents. I want our birth photographer to capture it all.

When I said no to being induced on the 17th, I also had to accept that my doctor may not be available to deliver Kamden. When she said this, I started crying again. The attentive, compassionate doctor wiped away my tears and tried to explain but my overwhelmed, under-prepared, very emotional brain didn’t comprehend much. Something about the hospital allows each doctor (or office practice) a couple of days to “reserve spots” in order to schedule inductions, but these “appointments” are not available on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Kamden’s estimated due date is Sunday, December 22. Without a scheduled induction, nobody knows the day or hour Kamden will make his entrance into the world. My perfectly scripted birth plan goes something like this: Mom and Dad get to our house on the evening of Wednesday, December 18, my water breaks on the 19th, I get an epidural, Kamden is born on the 20th, he’s healthy and happy, and we spend Christmas at home. Sounds reasonable, right? Our situation is further complicated by the time of year (holidays-smolidays, geeesh) and it seems as if every pregnant woman in DFW is due in the next few days/week and wants Dr. W to deliver their baby. I’m going to be a spoiled brat for a moment and scream and yell and throw a tantrum. WHAT ABOUT ME? I’m being very selfish, not only towards the other pregnant ladies but to the medical folks who have to work on/near Christmas because Husband and I had sex in March and made a baby. Technically speaking, we didn’t actually PLAN this pregnancy, but Divine Intervention did and we’re grateful.

So here I sit facing the reality that my parent’s only child might go into labor and deliver their only grandchild before they arrive in Texas and the doctor I’ve seen for more than eight years — and trust infinitely — may not deliver said child. My new big, scary fears are the anesthesiologist paralyzing me for life because he/she is hungover from a Christmas party and the on-call doctor looks like a psycho truck-driver, uses an ice pick to break my water,  and extracts Kamden from my womb with a pair of calf pullers borrowed from a nearby cattle ranch. If there is anything worse than worst case scenario, this could be it.

Now that I’ve had some time to cry, talk to Mom, process the situation, and get a hug from Husband, I think I’ll call the doctor’s office later today and speak with the nurse again. Obviously I have questions now that my brain couldn’t create yesterday.

On a much more positive note, I met with Kamden’s pediatrician after my wrecking-ball OB appointment yesterday and it went really, really well. Doctor J came highly recommended from my OB, the nurses at Methodist Hospital in Mansfield, friends whose children are patients of his, and employees of Cook’s Children’s Hospital. He and his staff made me feel incredibly at ease, despite my laundry list of questions and concerns, and praised my research on breastfeeding and vaccinations and Husband’s unwavering support for it all. I appreciated his humility when he learned the commute required from us. Yes, there are pediatricians located near our home, but I’m willing to drive for quality care, compassionate medical experts, and be connected to the best children’s hospital in Fort Worth. Besides, I used to drive four hours (round-trip) from my college apartment to Doctor W’s office (OB/Gyn) because I insisted on having a female doctor. Some things are non-negotiable, one of them being my son’s pediatric care and the other is my lady business. Which takes me right back to our previous conversation about strangers with ice picks and calf-pullers.

Oy vey.

At least my hospital bags are packed. And I bought a pajama set with a button-down top (compatible for nursing) and matching bottoms. I’ve wanted old-man pajamas for a while, but couldn’t find anything I liked or priced reasonably. This cute and comfortable striped ensemble cost just $22 on Black Friday (regular price $55), plus free shipping!

pajama-setPajama Set // Lane Bryant

By |2013-12-12T00:14:19+00:00December 12th, 2013|Blog|0 Comments

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  1. Lisa December 12, 2013 at 5:36 am - Reply

    Awww! Everything is going to be okay. No matter which day or which doctor or who’s there — it will be okay. 🙂 Everyone will get there eventually, and you’ll all be together by Christmas. Unless you don’t get induced, in which case you might still be pregnant… 😉 I’m not much of a hugger, but if I were there, I would give you a hug, too. Or at least a Jolly Rancher. Those pjs are super cute!!

  2. Emily Humphries December 12, 2013 at 7:12 am - Reply

    Hang in there girl I’ve had four kids and everyone gave me anxiety with these same questions before I had them. Seriously you would think I could just handle it but seriously they were all very different delivery’s. Your going to be fine and I’ll say a little prayer that your parents are there when you have him! Good luck!

  3. Jan Elmore December 12, 2013 at 8:30 am - Reply

    Niether of my docs delivered my babies. No worries, Girl! Take it from a nurse… we do all the work anyway. The doc just shows up right before the baby comes out. 😉

  4. Dawn December 12, 2013 at 8:35 am - Reply

    Not an only child, over achiever, OCD, beautiful December baby at all are you?! lol
    Not much anyone can say to ease your stress right now, you are entitled to it, but prayers are being lifted and I take comfort that no matter how God intends this birth to be it will absolutely be the most amazing thing you ever experience, because it is through him all things are…..Love ya girl hang tough!!!

    From another awesome December Baby! 😉 Dawn

  5. Grace Grits and Gardening December 12, 2013 at 9:12 am - Reply

    Your post brought back a flood of memories for me. My first born was a December baby too. A fun time to welcome a new baby into the world, but a stressful time too! In the wee hours of the morning I was scheduled to be induced, I went into labor (two weeks late…) and my daughter was born on December 13. She will be 25 tomorrow. My how quickly the time flies. Enjoy every moment and try not to stress.

  6. Julie (@CocoandCocoa) December 12, 2013 at 9:12 am - Reply

    I had a December baby and I remember being stressed over when he would arrive! No matter when he comes it will be okay 🙂

  7. Angela December 12, 2013 at 9:21 am - Reply

    I was going to say exactly what Jan says above. I loved my OB doctors. But the truth of it is, they really only show up to deliver the baby. They are there for such a short time and then they are gone again. My doctor showed up right after my last baby was delivered. The nurses are pros! I remember feeling exactly as you do for two of my holiday babies, but it really all works out. When you are holding that sweet baby in your arms you aren’t going to care who was there to hand him to you.

  8. Taylor @ Pink Heels Pink Truck December 12, 2013 at 9:36 am - Reply

    Oh man…big hugs to you!! Most of the people I know that have had babies, had a birth plan, and it was sent right out with the bath water. And now they look back and say they would’ve have had it any other way!! God has the ultimate plan…as hard as that is!!! He will take care of you! 🙂 xoxo

  9. pmoppins December 12, 2013 at 9:36 am - Reply

    Even if it doesn’t go to plan (our daughter’s birth defied every item of my beautifully typed perfectly laid out birth plan) the result will be the same – a life changing moment – you will have a beautiful baby and become a mother. Best wishes to you.

  10. Jody Johnson December 12, 2013 at 11:13 am - Reply

    I join with the previous posts in that all is in God’s hands and He will take care of you and Kamden. I had pitocin for both births for different reasons and don’t recommend it. Let nature take its course. As the proud mother of a hospital R.N. and veteran of 2 long labors, I wholeheartedly agree that the doctor just shows up for the finale. The nurses take excellent care of you. Love and prayers be with you.

  11. Rebekah December 12, 2013 at 1:17 pm - Reply

    I was really adamant that I wanted MY midwife (or her backup that I also loved) to deliver my baby. Since we were doing the whole natural birth thing we had no clue when I would go into labor then there was this whole disaster with hospital rights, blah, blah, blah. Long story short I didn’t know who was going to deliver my baby. Everyone kept telling me that when it comes down to it, when that baby is coming, you won’t give a darn who is catching. I insisted that I would care, that I’m very particular about my doctors, I refuse to see a male OB/GYN and now there would be a chance I’d have to have a guy deliver my baby. I was Devastated!! Now, just a mere 2 or so months from my own melt down over a similar situation I am joining the ranks of those I scoffed at – When it comes time, you really won’t mind another doctor because you’re just ready to be finished with that delivery! (and I totally understand if you just internally laughed and thought “but you don’t understand!” because I was feeling similarly not too long ago, and it does feel like a BIG deal, it is a BIG deal and you’re justified in your feelings!) I’ll be praying for you, that it all goes according to plan!
    And, if it helps any, the best info I ever got was – if you can’t control anything else, just know that if you get a less-than-wonderful nurse you can fire her! She’s the one you have to deal with through the whole thing!

  12. Ashley December 12, 2013 at 1:36 pm - Reply

    I’m so glad your husband was there for a hug!!

    Having a 2 1/2 month old I remember way too clearly the stress and planning that happens right before having a baby. Mine came around the time I wanted him to, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t lots of days that I took it easy to avoid going into labor before I was ready.

    And cute choice on pajamas–you’ll LOVE having those for after the birth 🙂

    Can’t wait to read that everything went well and that your baby is here!!

  13. Celeste Zachry December 12, 2013 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    My Love…Kamden has been God’s ordeal from the beginning! He’ll see it through. The photos of the first time Mom and Dad see him will be the same, but YOU might be the photographer.

    When push came to shove, I only wanted Brandon and don’t even remember which or how many nurses were there – army land is a bit different – and while my doc was fabulous and I took a LOT of pitocin to ensure HE delivered both my babies, he really is just the catcher. Breathe. I’m here for anything you need.

  14. Amber December 12, 2013 at 3:04 pm - Reply

    Oh Nicole – HUGS from me to you, too. I’m sorry it doesn’t sound like things are going according to plan, but everything will work out the way God intends it to. As long as baby K is here healthy, then that’s something to be thankful for!! xoxo

  15. Aunt Deb December 12, 2013 at 5:33 pm - Reply

    It will all be ok. They r right about the nurses !

  16. mathewsbambina December 12, 2013 at 7:47 pm - Reply

    i hope everything turns out the way it’s supposed to! and i love that you’re having a birth photographer. who did you pick?

  17. Patti bradley December 12, 2013 at 9:00 pm - Reply

    Hope you have a short, easy labor. My doctor did not deliver my baby, since she was two weeks early. Nothing really went as i had envisioned it would, but everything worked out fine! When it happens, your birth plan will not matter! Best of luck to you!

  18. Wilma December 12, 2013 at 9:08 pm - Reply

    my sweet cousin, everything will be ok.. I’m sending you some Michigan hugs your way..

  19. […] you missed yesterday’s emotional “woe is me” post, you can catch up here. But today I have really great […]

  20. Crystal December 19, 2013 at 9:49 am - Reply

    I remember this all too well!! My doctor didn’t get to deliver Mason, but another doctor from his practice did and it was just fine. I actually really liked him! Praying all goes well!! XO

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