Magic Mike | a big disappointment

 

I don’t think I’ve ever written a movie review on this blog. Everybody’s got their own opinion and reviews of anything can get dicey. If you agree, fine. If you don’t, fine. But I spent $9.00 to watch Magic Mike and I directly contributed to its $40-million-weekend at the box office.

 

MAJOR ISSUES WITH MAGIC MIKE (the movie)

  • TV commercials were better than the actual movie.
  • The acting was terrible.
  • I didn’t expect much of a storyline, but I thought it would better than *THAT*.
  • There was not enough raunchy-ness. I wanted more. Lots more.
  • The chairs in the movie theater should have vibrated.

 

Dear Matthew McHottness,

The “lawwww breaker” scene at the beginning was awesome. Can we replay that and fill the 2 hour and 5 minute movie? And, what’s up with your character’s name? Could the screenwriters not think of a more original name for a native Texan than Dallas? You as a self-worshiping club owner was NOT attractive.

Dear Tatum Channing,

Or is it Channing Tatum? Dude, I don’t even know your name. That’s sad. Anyway, as Magic Mike you’re HOT and a pretty good dancer. Oh wait, what’s that? You were an actual dancer and stripper? Ohhhhh, you have real-life experience. How nice.

Dear Kevin Nash,

What the hell are you, a professional wrestler, doing on a movie screen? Kevin, no offense, Ol’Buddy, but stick to the wrestling gig. Don’t you remember, I had a crush on you when I was 12 and you were “wra-seeling” with the bad boys of the New World Order? Yeah, I also wanted Sting to kick your ass. He did, occasionally. Why am I admitting to watching professional wrestling? Anyway, your dancing looks like a stiff robot but you look good for your age. Sort of.

Dear The Kid,

I don’t know your real name and I have no desire to find out. Your character, Adam, was nicknamed The Kid, and I wasn’t impressed with you. My biggest issue was the drug addiction. Passing out because you’re drunk and over-dosed on Ecstasy, and nearly choking to death on your own vomit, is *NOT* attractive ….. no matter how well you dance or look semi-nude.

Dear husbands accompanying their wives in the movie theater,

Are you eff-ing crazy? Besides getting the attention of the female crowd (including a loud applause), why were you there? Do you not have friends that would have taken you to Hooters? By all means, I hope you got some very special *treatment* when you got home.

Now, go watch the movie (without your lover) so you can say you’ve seen Matthew McHottness’s naked ass in leather chaps. Then, show-off those dance moves in the bedroom.

Sorry, Mom and Dad.

By |2012-07-02T21:03:31+00:00July 2nd, 2012|Blog, Popular, Uncategorized|27 Comments

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27 Comments

  1. Julie July 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm - Reply

    Nicole,

    I have not seen the movie, but this review has me laughing out loud! And I am with you….I can ust stare at Matthew for two hours and forget the rest…..or just listen to his Reliant Energy commercials….or listen to him read the yellow pages for the matter. Yep…he does it for me…always has, probably always will! Too bad Christian Grey isn’t blond with a wicked southern drawl….all would be right in my world. I am visiting from TExas Bloggers and I am a Kentucky girl as well. Looking forward to following your blog!

    • Nicole July 2, 2012 at 9:20 pm - Reply

      Hi Julie!!!!!! You rock my socks being a Kentucky girl, I love ya already. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting, you’ll soon find out that I don’t hold my tongue and my poor mother blushes every time she reads my posts. Bless her heart!

      Big hug,
      Nicole

      • Julie July 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm - Reply

        I much prefer the bloggers that let it all hang out. I think it is so much more enjoyable to follow along with someone that is real and not making it seem like everything is perfect….rainbows and butterflies 24/7. Let’s face it that isn’t the way life is no matter who you are. Keep on rockin’ it girl!!!! xoxox, Julie

  2. wilma July 2, 2012 at 9:15 pm - Reply

    WOW, Nicole… you missed your calling.. You should be writting as a movie critic.. You really let them have it,… But… I just have to go get a good look at Matthew McCuteness’ tush in some of those leather chaps… whoooo wee.. don’t care if the movie is crappy as all get out.. at least I can say I saw his buns, lol…
    but i won’t get my hopes up about the acting..
    xo
    wilma

    • Nicole July 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm - Reply

      Go Wilma, and have fun. Let your hair down. And enjoy the show.

      =)

  3. Celeste Zachry July 2, 2012 at 10:27 pm - Reply

    I am 1) so sad I missed girl’s night and 2) can’t believe the movie sucks. Dang!

    • Nicole July 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm - Reply

      I am 1) so sad you missed girls’ night too and 2) you still have to watch the movie. I mean, you gotta do it.

  4. Lauren (@pinkonthecheek) July 3, 2012 at 12:13 am - Reply

    Thanks for linking up with The Blogger Party!
    Keep spreading the word on facebook and twitter, I really appreciate!
    Thank you so much for the love & support!!
    xoxo
    Lauren
    thebloggerparty.blogspot.com

    • Nicole July 3, 2012 at 8:52 am - Reply

      Hi Lauren, thank YOU for hosting the blogger party. It’s great to meet other fan-tabulous bloggers like yourself. Have a blessed day!

      xoxo, Nicole

  5. Holli July 3, 2012 at 7:42 am - Reply

    Great review! I felt the same way on all descriptions but would i see it again? Oh Heck yes! I couldnt get enough of the dance scenes with Channing Tatum/Tatum Channing or Mr McHotty!!!

    • Nicole July 3, 2012 at 8:40 am - Reply

      Holli, I think you’re right. When it arrives at the kiosks for me to rent for $1.00, I’ll rent it, and fast-forward to all the dance scenes. I’ll watch the beginning a million-billion-trillion-gazillion times with Mister McHottness saying lawwwwwwwwwwwww breaker. Unfortunately, that script is in my head and it won’t leave. Husband took a bite of food before dinner last night and I called him a lawwwwwww breaker. He rolled his eyes at me. HAHAHAHAHA

  6. Georgia McDaniel July 3, 2012 at 10:54 am - Reply

    I am going to go see this movie and then I’ll practice the dance moves in the bedroom…..Wow Howie you better hope you are sleeping!! Your blogs crack me up. Love you and miss you bunches!!

    • Nicole July 3, 2012 at 11:06 am - Reply

      Actually, I became so bored during the movie that I thought to myself, “Geesh, this movie isn’t so bad. I’d bring my blind Nana to see this.” No joke. Take that ol’Lady with you, she’ll enjoy the “show” and you two can practice your dance moves together in front of the mirror. I’m sure Howie and Heidi will be entertained. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      Love you! Miss you!

  7. libs012 July 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    Left out Bomer here who at least added SOME comic relief. I am with you, for the most part. They should have just made it a documentary about male strippers–inside the strip club, and it could have been much better. Half the shots were out of focus–most the acting was out of focus–and the movie itself–wasn’t focused.

    • Nicole July 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm - Reply

      Out of focus …. that’s a great way to describe all aspects of Magic Mike. HAHAHA
      Big hug,
      Nicole

  8. Lisa July 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm - Reply

    This is hilarious. Here’s how out of the loop I am: Someone texted me and asked me if I wanted to go see this movie over the weekend, and I was like, “What the hell is Magic Mike? It sounds stupid.” I guess I’m too busy flitting around on my bicycle, drinking margaritas and taking pictures of the ocean. This pretty much summed it up though–I’ll just go watch the trailer and I should be good, huh? =)

    I think I wrote a movie review one time. Yup. I did…a long time ago. It’s here: http://lisadenoia.wordpress.com/2004/10/05/when-bad-movies-happen-to-nice-dates/

    • Nicole July 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm - Reply

      Lisa, I love you. Seriously. You keep riding those beautiful bicycles, drink margaritas, and take LOTS of pictures of the ocean (not all at once though). Definitely watch the promotional videos and you’ll be a movie ticket richer. Just. Saying.

      Hugs,
      Nicole

    • lovelylici1986 July 4, 2012 at 10:03 am - Reply

      HILARIOUS!

  9. Chick Flick Diva July 4, 2012 at 7:42 am - Reply

    I haven’t seen Magic Mike yet but hope to see it this weekend. Just stopping by to say HI! Found your blog via Red, White and You. Looking forward to reading your future post.

    • Nicole July 4, 2012 at 9:39 am - Reply

      Hey there! Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. I linked-up late last night and didn’t “visit” everyone like I wanted …. guess I’ll be busy blog-hopping today! Happy Fourth!

      Best,
      Nicole

  10. Mrs. Pancakes July 4, 2012 at 9:14 am - Reply

    I knew it was going to be bad…was it that baaad?

    • Nicole July 4, 2012 at 9:43 am - Reply

      Hi Mrs.Pancakes! {you’re making me hungry and want pancakes} The dance scenes were great, unfortunately they didn’t last long and few and far between. I’m telling you, watch the promotional videos on YouTube for two hours and you’ll be a movie ticket richer!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Happy Fourth!
      Nicole

  11. lovelylici1986 July 4, 2012 at 10:01 am - Reply

    Hahahahaha. Too funny, Nicole! LOVED the last two reasons you didn’t like the movie. I’m dying. Ahahahahahahahha.
    And I TOTALLY didn’t take you for the sort! I love it!

    • Nicole July 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm - Reply

      Let. Your. Freak. Flag. Fly.
      Last Saturday, as I walked out the door to meet the ladies for dinner prior to Magic Mike, my Husband lovingly said, “Behave yourself. I’m not bailing you and a bunch of horny women out of jail tonight.” Most folks think I’m sweet and innocent, then they get to know me. Then, I have to apologize to my parents. LOL

      Sincerely,
      Not So Sweet & Innocent

  12. Sara July 16, 2012 at 11:08 pm - Reply

    I completely agree with your comment on Kevin Nash. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him in any of his scenes. He looked so frinken ackward. What the hell were they thinking when they cast him! It just looked bizarre.

    • Nicole July 17, 2012 at 8:43 am - Reply

      Sara, I’m glad to hear somebody else witnessed Kevin Nash’s re-donk-u-lous-ness on the big screen!!!!! Of course, I totally admit to watching wrestling many, many years ago and immediately knew who the extra tall “giant” was in the movie … and burst out into laughter because I knew it was going to be bad. The other ladies I was with didn’t have a clue to who he was and they didn’t get my laughter at first. I can say that I saw Magic Mike on opening weekend, not to mention the wonderful dinner with the ladies prior to, but I could have saved a heap of cash (including the 9-dollar movie ticket) if I had stayed home and watched promotional videos on YouTube. The movie in its entirety was terrible. (sighhhh)
      Hey, thanks for visiting my blog and commenting – I appreciate it!!!!!!!

  13. […] I did not see any movie this summer that made me skirt fly up. I have a feeling that most of you are expecting me to say that movie with Matthew McHottness and Tatum Channing (or is it Channing Tatum? I still don’t know that guy’s name.). If you have not read my review, please click HERE. […]

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