Unfaithful {a public service announcement}

I crossed the line and spoiled what is was sacred: I’ve been unfaithful. I knew better when I did it, but I did it anyway. Before I tell you what IT is, consider these definitions:

Frugal — economical in use or expenditure; not wasteful

Cheap — embarrassingly stingy

I have a high school diploma, a college degree, and I’m even certified to teach multiple subjects in the State of Texas. I possess a hefty dose of common sense with even more sarcasm. If I had to identify a language deficiency, though, it would be pronouncing the word specific. Occasionally, it comes out sounding like Pacific (yes, like the ocean). I’m good at reading maps and following directions, but I really hate those talking GPS things. I’m an accurate shot on the gun range and I can field dress animals. I can also cook and bake dishes that will make your mouth water. Unfortunately, my tendencies to be cheap, rather than just sensibly frugal, have cost me great pain and suffering.

Over the weekend, Husband and I noticed that we were on the verge of running out of a particular household item that we use on a daily basis. There was no time for conversation, we had ONE left in the entire house. This was serious business. There was no time for argument: a trip to the store was mandatory.

Once inside the major supermarket chain, I walked directly to the aisle that contained the product in need. Of course, I recognized immediately the brand in which I always purchase but instead of gathering the familiar package, I opted for another (cheaper) brand. For a whole two-dollars less, I could get 250 sheets more. What. A. Deal. NOT!

When I walked into the store, I had one item on my list. There was no question that I would walk out with a package of Charmin ultra-soft. Instead of purchasing Charmin, my brain and logical sense were stolen by cheap and embarrassingly stingy aliens who robbed me (and my lady parts) of pleasant trips to the water closest. My cheapness led to me being unfaithful to the brand that has provided years of comfort and one that I’ve always loved and trusted. I messed up. Royally. Husband confirmed my poor judgement by stating, while holding up a roll of the cheap stuff, “This stuff’s gotta go.”

If anyone has a need/wish/desire for a dozen rolls of cheap toilet paper (perhaps you don’t like your neighbor and wish to “decorate” their yard and trees), I have the mother of all deals! If there are no takers for my generosity, then I’m relying on Pinterest and these 12 rolls of cheap paper to create mean looking creatures for 12 of my closest friends for Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, right?!?!

This has been a public service announcement, please give respect to your sensitive parts by purchasing only the highest quality of toilet paper. We will now return to regular programming.

Over and out.

Amen.

By | 2012-05-08T06:45:23+00:00 May 8th, 2012|Blog|0 Comments

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  1. Celeste Zachry May 8, 2012 at 7:23 am - Reply

    Rest assured, there’s NO John Wayne toilet paper in the Zachry house!

    • Nicole May 8, 2012 at 7:37 am - Reply

      Well this cheap crap paper (literally and figuratively!) is not all that “rough” per se, it’s just so thin you can see through it. Not exactly toilet paper worthy in my book. Of course it’s advertised as SOFT & STRONG ….. yeah, if you use all 1000 sheets per trip to the bathroom!!!!!! Geesh.

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